The decision to tell your trauma story is a huge one. If you are here now, you’ve already taken the long and arduous journey to get here, and overcome at least some of your fears or shame to choose sharing. Once you’ve reached this point, you may think: What’s next? How do I even start?
Is There a Method To Telling Your Traumatic Story?
Storytelling can be very healing. Some may say there is no method to storytelling, that it simply comes to you. In my case, I wrote a few stories for my blog a month or so afterwards, though few people actually read those original blog posts. The storytelling that I know started reaching people began over a year later, when a friend asked me to share my story at a conference. At the time, though I am a writer and marketer, I didn’t really know how to tell my story of trauma, or how (or even if) sharing stories about trauma was any different than telling other kinds of stories. I just started writing and speaking.
I was just riding the current and doing what I thought was right at the moment. There is nothing wrong with that, but it may not always be the best way. If you are telling your story with the intention of helping yourself heal and educating and inspiring others, the process might make a difference. There are better—and worse—ways to do it. Also know that it is quite common for your mind to be jumbled with details about the event(s) and for your feelings to be all over the place. Early on after my trauma, I encountered a journalist specializing in trauma stories who talked with survivors about telling our stories. She told us that memories of trauma are different than memories of other kinds of events. That they aren’t linear and we may remember bits and pieces, out of order. She pointed out that some parts of the story may even take a long time to recall.
How You Can Approach Storytelling
Here are some basic guidelines that may help as you wade through your feelings and thoughts when you sit down to share your story.
- Don’t rush the process, any of it. Each part of figuring out your story is a journey in itself: Deciding you want to tell your story–and accepting the gory details–can be especially challenging because shock may be protecting your brain from accepting what happened. You must find your voice, and provide detail and a timeline. The story may be shattered, either by your brain’s efforts to protect itself, the passage of time, or the influx of outside narratives, from social media, news, or even other survivors, which can muddle your memory.
For many, journaling may be the right first step. After trauma your thoughts are often jumbled. By journaling, you get them on paper or onto your computer. It may not be easy. Though I’m a writer, it was actually difficult for me to write down my thoughts and feelings. - Gather your support system. By sharing what you’re doing with your friends and family, they are more able to recognize when you’re going through a rough patch in the process and to provide support during the most difficult parts of your writing.
Consider working with a mental health professional, as bringing up memories of trauma, even ones that happened a long time ago, can bring up complicated thoughts and feelings. - Remember your goals as you write out your story. Are you writing as part of your journey to heal? Do you really want to see your story published? Depending on your trauma, are you writing with a penchant towards exposing the abuser or perpetrator? What your goals are will affect the path you take. Find the meaning in the telling of your story.
- Put it away if you need to. There are no hard and fast rules about telling your story of trauma. It’s your story and you have the power to walk away when it becomes too difficult. This is not a race and you are not in competition with anyone, other than yourself, to get this work done. So give yourself a break—remember how long it took for you to get to this point in healing. You don’t have your story done overnight.
- Be clear about what you—and your readers—should get from this story. What is the moral or point of the story? What is your message? What do you want people to do after they walk away from reading or hearing your story?
If you are considering telling your story, know this: It can be hard. It is an act of courage to own the difficult parts of our histories and to try to make meaning from them.
Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash